.live the moment.

they are going solo next year. worried for them. i do not have much confidence in them yet. they are not performing as a whole. have they done their job well? i dont know. i do not see any improvements whenever i make a trip down. instead it is deteriorating. am i expecting too much? lower your expectations girl! that's what i have been trying to tell myself to do for the past few days. i cannot!!! there's no room for compromise. how can i change my expectations according to their needs? they should be aiming to meet or even exceed my expectations. they need to shock me. i need them to surprise me with something good and satisifactory.

they will improve one day. they will make full use of the time when i am absent to brush up on their skills. hope.

"live the moment"

.another test.

Lemon Tea...Strong willed and a bit feisty in temper you stand
out from other people! Creative but dangerous
you have few friends and those that have been
accepted into your small group are special and
unique just like yourself. Once your mind is
made up that's it and no one can change it. You
can think clearly and figure out just what to
do in a tense situation which is a rare gift.
You arent twisted by societies rules and
regulations and are rebel by nature!

What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by quizilla

.tests.

i am bored. there are 3 tests coming up next week. yes, i know that i should be studying but i need a break right? =)



Your element is Fire: Strong, hot tempered,
powerful, and passionate. Well now lets see,
being fire you are quite strong and powerful,
people look up to you greatly and often seek
your protection. You have the ability to gain
many friends and you are always one people can
count on to do what you say you will do. You
are extremely loyal be it friends or family
you'll stick up for them and you are never
willing to put them in a position that could
hurt them. You know what roll you play in life,
leader, and you intend to let people know it.
Not everyone is capable of leadership but you
certainly have the willpower and flare to do
it. You have quite a temper if it shows itself,
one that can often lead you into trouble. Once
your mind is made up there is no changing it
but no one said that was a bad thing.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by quizilla

.argH.

bad. worse. worst. terrible. horrible. this is my day. =(

it's frustrating when i cannot express my opnions openly in front of others. something is holding back my tongue. am i being sensitive to the people in the conversation? or maybe i need more time to gather my thoughts? why am i being so afraid here? i am the least emotional person in kns. friends always say that i am heartless and emotionless. what is happening to me? i am allowing my emotions to affect the way i think too much. it's far too much. it has gone beyond the line. i must stop it. dont let my heart rule my mind.

should i continue to hold on to the past that is fading into the background? move on, girl! that's what i have been always talking myself. it's sad to witness such an ending but... i dont know what to say. let the memories stay with me forever.

"breakaway"

.eve of national day.

the day started on a BAD note. a thunderstorm was brewing when i woke up in the morning. within a few minutes, raindrops started to tap on the rooftop. i was praying and hoping that the rain would cease within 15 minutes so that i did not have to bring an umbrella on my way to school. i am a plain lazy girl. i will rather get wet in the rain and fall sick than to bring an umbrella. so troublesome. i waited till the very last minute and the rain was still as heavy as before. i had no choice but to dump the umbrella into my bag. once again, my effort was wasted. the rain stopped when i was walking to the bus stop. irritaing! that was not all. i have to be caught in the mad bukit timah traffic jam in the morning. the bus was moving at snail's speed. it took the bus 20 minutes to move from KAP to nj. madness!!!

i did not enjoy the march in parade as much as the previous years. it was held in the assembly ground. for goodness sake, how was i supposed to see the parade when there were so many people towering over me. irritaing!! i am a sucker for parades. =) i had a big shock when i saw how they decorated the podium with red and white balloons and our dearest parade commander had to stand there. what a great contrast! was i supposed to take the parade commander seriously or was he going to put up some clown acts for us? hmm....

we did not have the norm national day celebrations. no performances by the various cultural groups and no patriotic sing-a-long sessions. when the sch organises such programmes for us, students will complain that it is boring and no creativity. actually, i miss the norm programmes today. i guessed i would have enjoyed myself more than being a befriender.

when the old folks arrived, we brought them to the LT5 to watch performance. i had to admit that the organisers are a little bit brainless. how could they expect to sit all the students and guests in that miserable LT5 when it was almost full with students before the guests came. omg!!!! no offence here but did they think about the 'what ifs'??? after that, we had some activities and it was finally refreshment. here is another part that pissed me off today.

the few of us went to order drinks for the old folks. i was disgusted by the drink stall auntie's behaviour. it did not mean that when those drinks were meant for the old folks, you could give lesser quantity of drink per cup. that's ridiculous!!! hello??? they are humans too ya? she demanded money before she allowed us to take the drinks. hello??? we would NOT disappear immediately okay. we are responsible students. argH!!! after we had sent the old folks back to their welfare centres, it's time for CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

omg!! how i wish willy wonka's choco factory does exist in the world and i am one of the lucky 5 to find the golden ticket in one of his wonka's whipple-scrumtious fudgemallow delight choco bar. it is a fantasy, a place where all the kids and i will love. the choco river, the invention roon, the oompa-loompas. willy wonka's madness and his stupid laughter, his great glass elevator and many many more. it was heart warming towards the end of the movie when charlie taught him the true meaning of family. wonka had never felt that he had one because of his over protective dentist father. wonka even had problem pronouncing the word "parents". sometimes when your parents start to nag at you, do NOT throw your temper at them. instead, take a deep breathe, think and feel their love for you. =)

that's all folks! have a great holiday. early HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE!!!! cannot wait for the parade tomorrow night.

"because they care"

.madness.

it's raining, it's pouring.

the late morning rain dampened my high spirit for PE. ever since the hand ball PE lesson on last tuesday, i am in love with PE. no formulas to use, no concepts to strengthen, no theories to understand. PE is just about active participation, enjoyment and keeping fit. =) a few of us went to change into our PE attires in a lightning speed in hope that we were able to 'chop' the gym. life is never smooth sailing. in the end, we had to settle for the hall. actually it was not a bad option. when we went in, it was pitch dark. woohoo!!! a perfect atmosphere to play hide-and-seek. we were shouting and screaming in the hall like nobody's business. however, good times never last for long. the lights were on and we started our badminton games! although it was not as physically demanding as hand ball, it was a great feeling to workout and sweat a little. =)

we had our usual phys extra tutorial today. nobody was looking forward to it. we had a great time talking crap in the canteen while having our lunch. goi was as lag as usual and she became one of our jokes. oops... not forgetting jess and hq...

we were waiting for tek outside one of the com labs and finally, we saw him running towards us. thinking back, it's amusing when the few of us had the same reaction when we saw him running. we cheered him on as if he was running a race on the sports day. jess added on to the fun by pretending to keep track of his running time. haha... we sure had a good laugh. =D

thursday marks a step closer to friday. yes yes yes! the weekend is coming soon. charile and the chocolate factory opens today! omg!!!! i am going to catch it soon. =) yeah yeah yeah!!!

"laughter is the best medicine"

.pissed.

nv visit a polyclinic on monday no matter how sick you are. that's the worst decision i made today. i registered at 130pm and got out of the place only at 445pm. irritating! a complete waste of time. worst of all, they lost my medical certificate at the collection point. i was like "thanks so much for your nice surprise". i waited a hell lot of time to see the doctor for less than 10 minutes and they expected me to waste more time when it was their fault to misplace my MC. what a joke! furthermore, i am not the patient type of girl. i had this urge to slap on their desktop to shout at them to wake up their idea to start making things work for me. i was sooo damn freaking pissed. so much talk about efficiency and productivity. i am so sorry but i could see none today.

after a while, they finally found my long lost MC. i grabbed it and stormed out of the polyclinic. there was clearly a message written across my face - provoke me at your own risk. i could not afford to waste anymore time and walked from central back home. the more i think about it, the faster i walked. as i was about to walk across the overhead bridge, i saw a group of nhss guys playing bball at the HDB bball court. 2 girls were sitting by the stools near the court. i thought what are the girls doing? sitting there and staring into space? what a waste of time! are they looking at their guyfriends playing bball? didn't they have better things to do? i stared hard at a guy who smoked when he walked past me. smelly piece of shit! i hate people who smoke. argh!!! everything was getting on my nerves.

i guess i need to find some time to learn how to train my patience.

"patience is never found within me"

.harry potter and the half blood prince.

i met up with 5some today to celebrate the july babies birthdays again. as i have mentioned before, many of my friends have their birthdays in july. SHAN IS BACK!!!! haha... she still looks the same. well, all of us look the same. however, there is something that has not changed is zhihui and weifang are forever late for all meetings. haha... they were examining my hair today. hai... lousy hairdresser and ugly haircut. irritating! i hope my hair will grow long soon so that i can layer and style my hair. hopefully, i will look better than now. =) we went to eat jap food. i seriously think that jap food is not my cup of tea. the food is too salty. yucks! the soup and main course i had. it does not suit my taste buds. anyway, we are meeting up soon to watch fireworks. woohoo!!!!! wait for my reminder masseages guys!

those who have NOT read the book, please do not read beyond this point . =)

i have just finished reading the book. it took me almost a week to do so. i could not find a full free day last week to sit down to complete my readings. i only had time for less than five chapters each day before i headed for bed. how tiring school can be. i think that the book is better than the fifth book, in terms of thickness and content. i could not remember much from fifth book except that Sirus died and umbridge.

the sixth book serves as an introduction to the final showdown between who-you-must-not-name and harry. it pieces all the information from the previous five books nicely together. an example is how lord voldemort was able to exist in various forms. it goes deeper into the background of the characters, especially lord voldemort (tom riddle when he was young). many of my friends pity him when they find out his background but i do not. he had become who he was because of his own doings. he could not resist the temptation of greed and power. he wanted to be immortal so he went on a killing spin. on the other hand, my impression of malfoy became better. he hesisted when he had the perfect chance to kill the defenceless dumbledore in his office. he seemed to be threated by voldemort to do so. it just shows he still had a humane side.

i was truly sad when dumbledore died. although snape had made the unbreakable vow that he would protect malfoy during his mission and his private conservations with malfoy suggest he was on the dark side, i was hoping that he would kill the death eaters and save dumbledore when he dashed into the office. in the end, he shocked me. i believed in dumbledore and thought snape was a spy planted by dumbledore to watch over the happening in the dark side. up till now, i still cannot believe that snape betrayed the trust dumbledore had in him. i have this feeling that dumbledore knew what was installed for him when he instructed harry to obey all his instructions before their quest for the third horcruxes. he had foreseen that his death is inevitable. he may have instructed snape to end his life instead of having malfoy to do so to prevent malfoy from suffering in the misery of comitting a murder. hence, i feel that snape is still part of the order of the phoenix.

romance was brewing between ron and hermione. they were such a cute couple. deep down in their hearts, they knew that they felt something for each other but nobody wanted to make the first move. it's entertaining to see how angry hermione was when ron got hooked on lavender brown. not forgetting the short romance between harry and ginny. =)

will hogwarts be closed next term because of the unforunate night? i hope not or else there will not be a common place for harry, ron and herminoe to start on the next journey in the final book. will harry finally meet voldemort and defeat him? i hope he will survive the orderal and save the wizard community. i believe he has the ability to do so because he has an advantage over voldemort. harry can love. =)

"dumbledore's man through and through"

.the island.

before i talked about the exciting and nerves breaking movie, i should apologize for any confusion caused by the previous entry. btw, i have made a mistake and i only realized that during phys double tutorial today.


when the art student asked the science student what was the relative molecular mass of nitrogen gas, the science student replied "28". actually the science student was right! 14 is the atomic mass of nitrogen gas so the relative molecular mass is 28. argH!! how stupid can the science student be?


ok. back to the main topic. FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT WATCHED THE MOVIE, GET YOUR BUTTS OFF THE CHAIR AND GO TO THE NEAREST CINEMA NOW!!!! it's a brilliant movie. it glued my eyes to the screen. the fact paced actions make me keep wanting more and more. i seemed to be in the run with the actors as well. omg... how i wish i really could. my handsome guy, Ewan McGregor (lincoln 6 echo) is the male actor. i love his eyes. so beautiful right mh? i love the way he speaks with the accent. he just rocks! haha... a plus point for the movie. =) however, some scenes were quite gross - operating on the clones to get the 'spare parts' for the cilents and growing the clones in some gel-like liquid in a transparent bag.


it was a happy ending but me and mh were thinking how would you feel if you see a duplicate of yourself walking in the streets? dont you feel weird? someone who has exactly the same behaviour, character and even fingerprints as you. that's worse than having a twin right?


what's the next movie in my list? CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. haha... one of my idols is acting in the movie. =)

"put yourself into others' shoes"

.difference.

have you ever wondered what's the main difference btw a Art and Science student?

imagine 2 friends were standing HERE at a air-conditioned room. they felt freezing cold. after sometime, they decided to leave the room and got to THERE which was nearer to the entrance cum exit of the automatic door.

science student: why is it that i felt warmer when i was THERE than HERE?

art student: because more people were breathing at THERE to contribute to the higher temperature.

science student: HUH? i thought it is beacuse the automatic door allows the exchange of air so the warm air outside the room can flow in and the cool air inside the room can flow out.

there was a awkward silence.

they continued their journey and the science student decided to challenge the art student again.

science student: what do people breathe out?

art student: hmm...











NITROGEN GAS!

science student immediately dropped flat onto the ground and started laughing. art student was puzzled at the science student's reaction.

art student: did i make a mistake?

science student: well, actually, YES! people breathe out carbon dioxide gas, not nitrogen gas.

the art student had a slight enlightment.

on the bus, the art student felt discriminated by the science student.

art student: what's the relative molecular mass of nitrogen gas?

science student: 28. cos the atomic mass of a nitrogen element is 14.

art student: i don't believe you. i think it's 14.

science student: whatever. i have the periodic table with me.

to the science student's disgust, the art student was right.

art student: haha... where has all your chemistry knowledge been to? i have not been studing chemistry for the past 2 year.

and the art student gave an evil grin.

THE END

.jealous.

i have always been jealous of those who know the true meaning of their chinese name. let me give u a brief history about my chinese name. i do not have the chinese software so just bear with me. my chinese name is suyun. my grandpa whom i had never met gave me this name. i hate it when people address me by my chinese name. it does not suit me at all. it gives me a very poetic, quiet, sweetlooking girl feeling but i do not match any of the above mentioned qualities. omg!!! i asked my parents the orgins of my chinese name but they just shrugged their shoulders. they did not recieve chinese education back at their times. hai.. who can i turn to to seek the truth behind my chinese name?


i was asking my classmates this question the other day. we came to this conclusion. "su" suggests a simple life and "yun" suggests benefits mankind. =) i was shocked at the meaning of "yun". i did not know that my grandpa had such high hopes on me.


i am very interested to know more about my roots. maybe it is because of my undying love for history. isn't it good to know where you come from? it can help to create a sense of identity and make one feels good as one belongs to a community. i was browsing the books at TIMES bookshop at PS with goi last fri. we came across this book that has the names of 100 chinese emperors. i saw my surname. so HAPPY!!!! i did not know my ancestors were so successful that they ruled the chinese empire for 7 eras. omg! i may not be related to any of them by blood but i am very proud of my surname. when i was much younger, some of my classmates teased me about my surname as it sounds like the word "pig" in chinese.


i need to know more about myself. =)

"discovery is a pleasant journey"

.remember the titans.

i celebrated jf's birthday last night with kns. as usual, most of us were late. i was complaining to her on our way to orchard that i was v hungry. i was planning to have a big feast. true enough, we ate alot last night. we had our dinner at crystal jade and took neoprints (our usual activity after dinner). the night was still young and we could not think of anywhere else to go. my darling eve suggested Kbox so we went to check up the price. however, pee and peiwen did not join us because one had to be home early and the later had no $$. =( to our surprise, it cost $21 per person that night. omg! that's way too off our budget. we decided to look for a substitute for Kbox - party world. when we went in, the atmosphere was not right. we could sense a strong smell of alcholic drink and smokings. yucks! it appeared to be a nightclub to us. we immediately grabbed our bags and ran out of the place.


so we were left with nowhere to go. we roamed around the streets of orchard road and finally settled down at billy bombers to have our milkshake. woohooo!!! lemon milkshake rocks unlike green grasshopper! haha... the quantity was LARGE! we took many photos and realised that the photos turned out to be better when we used the self timer function than asking the waiter to take a picture for us. no offence.


when i reached home, i was too lazy to move. it may be due to the heavy and big stomach i had after eating soooo much food. haha.. i was TV surfting. then, i came upon channel 5 and the movie that it was showing seemed familiar. ahhh!!! it is 'remember the titans'. omg! it's such a great movie. though i know the stroyline, i glued my eyes to the TV screen. it's about racial discrimination between the whites and the blacks in USA, how this football team, titans, taught the people to love one another regardless of the colour. btw, it is a true story. =)


the ending had touched my heart when all the players, both blacks and whites came together again after their college to pray when one of the players died. it shows that the spirit of titans live on after they had left the college. what's inspiried me most is the player who died was paralysed because of an accident but he did not give up on his life. he continued to push his limits in competing in the olympics races for the handicapped. =) at least he had led a meaningful life.

"before we turn conflict into hatred, remember the titans"

.happy.

i went to watch initial D with liting last tues. when i told my classmates this exciting after-school activity, they all stared at me in disgust as if i was from outer space. yaya, i am probably the last few singaporeans catching the movie for the first time after it is released in the market. most of my friends rushed their way to the cinemas immediately after their exams. however, there's no wrong to watch it now right? haha...


the storyline is okay. what's most important is both my eye candies are starring in the movie - jay chou and shawn yue. haha... the races are sooo exciting. i could feel myself sitting at the edge of the chair during each race. my heart skipped a beat when the cars came into the 5 consecutive corners. being the usual biased karen, i want jay to win the race.


do not focus on winning the others. the biggest enemy is yourself.
i find this very meaningful. we know deep in our hearts that our society is very realistic. you either have the capability or have the papers to prove your worth, it's very hard to find your footing in society. that's harsh but face the fact! it's inevitable for us to have the strong sense of competitiveness in us. if you are going to lie back, sit around and do nothing, i am sorry to say that you have been eliminated from the game. however, i hate to become someone's enemy in any way, or rather i hate to compete with people for anything though i believe that i should fight for what i deserved. what's meant to be mine, will be mine someday. i completely detest those cannot face the reality and accept their defeat in grace after the competition. worst still, they had to lie to people around them just to hide the truth. are grades everything to them? grades does not determine very accurately one's ability. to me, it just measures the IQ of the competitor. focusing on winning the other competitors will make one miserable. the people around you will start to find it hard to hang out with you because all you care about is results. you have neglected interpersonal relationships completely. you might have achieved great results in the competition but how about emotional and spiritual victories? ultimately, i need to first convince myself that i will make it through the competition before i can prepare myself for the challenge. if i fail to persuade myself, i have lost the battle. as quoted from my school's canoeists, "heart and soul, go the distance". defeating ourselves is considered as a true victory.


teachers are telling us the time is tight and there is not much time for us to waste. i could sense their strong desire to coach us well so that we can score in exams. however, do i have as equally strong desire as them yet? time waits for no man. everything had been decided. though i have failed to aim for the moon, i am pleased with my improvement. push on and i will make it one day. =)


karen is a happy girl today because the supposedly physics make-up tutorial was cancelled and i had a haircut today. can't wait for mon to come to carry out our evil plan. haha... i will be having a busy weekend because my dearest, bestest friend's birthday is on the 17july. it calls for a celebration right?

give more, expect less

.series of unfortunate events.

london blasts. how could the bombers do such barbaric act to the innocent lives? are their deaths justified? their main motive could be to get back at the political leaders. if so, leave those defenceless people alone. they have done nothing against them! even if the bombers are unhappy with the british leaders, is violence the only channel to express their displeasure? why cannot they look for more peaceful methods? it is such a misfortunate because it happened the day after they won the 2012 olympic bid. one moment they were celebrating their victory and at the next moment, they are grieving over their losses.


something bad happened to one of my closed friends recently. she kept us in the dark because she does not want us to be worried. i understand her kind intentions but i would rather her to tell us what happened so that we can be there for her during this difficult period of time. stay strong and remember that you always have us okay?


the joy of ending CT is over. judgement day has came. i did not perform well, at least to my expectations. disappointed. careless mistakes here and there. it's pointless to think of all the "if only i could" because time waits for no man. i should look forward and be more prepared for the major exams. it's not the grades that matter. it is how much i have learnt from each paper that is important. push on further and i will make it there soon.

"dare to dream"

.change.

the layout freaky karen strikes again. i have been looking for nice templates for 2 nights and i have finally found the one that i like. horray! how's it?


i went swimming with pee as planned. =) the sun was great but the pool was crowded. =( i hate crowded pools because it restricts the amount of space i will have in the pool. i need to look out for people so that i do not cut into their lanes or kick them accidently while swimming. arGh! my main motives to go for a swim are to get a tan and exercise. woohoo! i am not sure if i become darker though my mum said that i did. aiya... she always complains that i get darker and darker each swimming trip. -_- her views are BIASED.


i was thinking what i should do on sunday. my third aunt came to my house on sat's night. i can sense she is very worried for her youngest son. he is taking his O level this year. he wants to attend a JC but he is not putting in enough effort to make it come true. the worse thing is my third aunt is worried that he may not be able to make it to poly. she asked me to help her to tutor her son when i am free. i thought, why not? since i was free today, i might as well go and help my little cousin. =) it pains my heart to know that parents always go all out to help their child but the child is unaware of it. i just want to do my bit to ease her burden.


so, i woke up at 12pm today though i planned to wake up at 10am. (it always fails) i had a quick bath and lunch and took the bus 30 to Bedok. hai... that's so far away. an hour of bus journey. luckily, i brought my sweets and headset to keep me accompany.


when i reached her house, my little cousin was diligently doing his math weekend homework. i had nothing to do so my third aunt taught me baking. omg! karen can actually bakes without burning the kitchen down. mahahaha... she taught me how to make a traditional malay snacks and huat keuh. the traditional malay snack is more time consuming and i hate it when the dough starts to stick to my hands. so i had ALOT of flour on my hand when kneading the drough. the haut kueh is very fragrant. all thanks to the 250g of brown sugar. i could even smell the sweet-smelling smell a mile away. i am having it for breakfast tomorrow. haha...


i stayed for quite sometime and came home around 9pm and i have not taken my dinner yet. i watched the NKF cancer charity show while having my dinner. the sicknessis not far away. it is sad when the patient does not have any encouragement or support while fighting the battle against the cancer. the family left them alone. they lost their jobs. they seem to be abandoned by theie family or even society. my mum could not help it but to cry while watching the videos that show the lives of the patients. i was thinking how can their family do such a thing to them? the worst thing is they have the financial ability to pay for the medical treatment. why must they leave their loved ones when they need them the most? does the phrase "stand by me" total crap? argH!


i am going on a shopping trip tomorrow. hurray! i miss shopping....

"spare a thought for them"

.programmes.

yeah!!!! it was over yesterday! i was lazy to blog about it last night.

i got my well-deserved break today. i woke up at 2pm and slept at 1am last night, if my math does not fail me, i have slept for 13 hours! =) i did NOTHING today. i was just lazing around, watching VCDs, eating, watching TV, surfing the net. ya... that's about it.

i guess i have put on some weight during the holidays. little amount of time was spent to exercise during the holidays. i was stressed up cos of all the mugging during the holidays so i had to indulge in comforting eating. i have the habit to do so when i am stress. it means i had eaten alot of chocolates, candies and snacks during the hols. haha...

i am going swimming tomorrow. yeah!!! i love pee.... woohoo! after that, i am going to help my sis in the cleaning of her new house. so exciting. i have never been there before.

shopping trip on monday. =D i miss shopping... i am going to buy the whole of orchard home. haha.. highly impossible. many had watched initial D. arGh!!! i so want to watch it too but liting ends her last paper on wednesday. it's okay. good things are worth waiting for.

hope the sun is bright and shiny tomorrow morning. =)

"believe in it and it will happen"

.weep.

i know she is in pain. she never fails to complain about the pain her knees are giving her after she returns from work everyday. she has visited many doctors, both from the western and chinese medical fields. she takes her medicine diligently. she exercises regularly. she wears knee guards to work to support her knee while she is standing. this helps to minimize the pain (as quoted from her) as she does not have to exert too much pressure on her knees.

it has been a long time since i last saw her cry. unfortunately, it happened tonight. she has been a strong woman. i believe that she will always be one. i am thankful for all her hard work she has done for the past 18 years of my life. i do not know how am i supposed to do to lessen her pain. she is always there for me when i am sick. she knows me inside out and knows when is the time to talk to me and when is the time to leave me alone. but right now, i am clueless on what i should do to lessen her pain. i guess it is in the Asian culture that i do not express my love for her very openly. i do not run into her arms, kiss her on her cheek and say 'i love her' everyday. however, i seriously want her to know that she has been and will always be the most important woman in my heart. she is not alone in this whole damn thing. she shall not blame herself or her fate for anymore mishaps because i am with her. i will not make her cry a single tear anymore. i shall be a good girl for today onwards. please, give me the strength to carry on.

"i will be good"

.losing it.

i am losing it
but i need to force myself
to keep it going
have the faith
i must not fail
i cannot afford to lose it once more

life has many choices. many a time, we need to decide how we want to live. will i choose to take this path if i am given a second chance?

"questioning leads to better understanding"

.1610.

i stared at the keys i placed on the table top. i could not help but to feel nervous for them. i was in their shoes a year ago. i understand their strong anticipation to know the results. generally, it is a lie if none of them do not want to be a leader.

my seniors stayed out late through the second night and came out with 5 different combinations. they had the main 7 people and the difference among the combinations was the job allocated to each of us. on the last day, it was judgement day. though the 7 of us came from different backgrounds, we had the same objective in mind, to serve and lead the club. when i went out there to recieve my keys, my term had started.

one thing i love about the 12 of us is we are very easy going. we will try our best to help each other whenever we can. zhihui: personlly, i think she worries about the club the most until she had nightmares about camp games and the camp venues for the activity at night. weeleng: thanks for all your lame jokes. xiaozhi: (TO is very important) she introduces the cookies song to the club. samuel: samuel, you rock! our famous bear and good guy. jingya: our ever-caring treasurer who occassionally buys drinks for the crew doing the event. yefan: another contributor to all the lame jokes in PA. dingod: your famous line " i am just curious ... ". xueli: our favourite CJ hippo and my twin who cannot stop laughing and loving the song "loney". juncheng: our self-owned sister and chenapok and my dearest ACCO who had helped me alot during times when events swam to us like a tidal wave. jiayong: someone who always argue with me in PA. =) xuyu: slient leader. thanks alot guys for working with me during my term.

i cannot measure my performance as a CCO. i cannot judge if i had done sufficient for the club. but for all i know, i had tried my best to upkeep the excellent job my previous CCO had done. hopefully, i did not disappoint anyone during my term. we all had tried our best.

it was officially over at 1610 on 16 june 2005, thursday. i had become an ex-member of the club. PA has never been my top priority between the 2 CCAs. i guessed it maybe true to a large extent that "once a guide, always a guide". i had built my undying love and passion for RV guide duirng my stay in RV as a student and it is still hard for me to let it die down. anyway, i had never felt so much for PA until today when i officially stepped down for duties. i could find my own identity and a sense of belonging in it though they nicknamed me the "no man land" today. no more easier access to the controls. no more hang-outs in the hall control after school. no more events. no more rehearsals. no more late nights. no more training. no more messing around with the equipment. everything has ended. now, we can only hold on strong to our faith that our judgement is correct and the present committee will work as a team and like what mr fazial said, "let PA flourish".

"let the memories stay with us forever"

.messy entry.

i cannot think of a title for this entry. i have been squeezed dried for ideas. it's weird to blog without a focus like a title because i can go in circles and talk about many thing. the result is a big MESS!

slacking day. i am not in the mood to do anything except to idle around. i had the greatest shock of my life when i woke up at 1430. 1430??!!!! i am damn right about me being a heavy sleeper. =) i was so hungry that i wanted to eat the milk powder, drink some water and let the powder and water mix together in my stomach. it did not happen because i found it a rather disgusting thing to do. how could i think of it in the first place? arGH!!

i was too lazy to go downstairs to buy lunch (as usual) and cooked some instant noodles. woah... karen actually cooks. haha... yupyup. but my cooking skills are limited. my parents always nag at me to learn how to cook from them so that i can take better care of myself and in the future, my family because they are strong anti-outside-food-ers. they always complained that outside food (the term they used to describe food sold outside our house) to be unhealthy, oily, low nutrition value and blah blah. that's why they always make an effort to cook at home unless there is unforeseen circumstances such as they have to attend a dinner. =) i am so fortunate. i guess it is in my family's blood to be very picky with food. it is espesically true for my brother, mum and i. furthermore, my brother and i have similiar liking for food. yummy!!!!

i wonder how does it feel like to have a younger sibling? i am the youngest. =) many always said the youngest is the parents' favourite child and the most spoilt of all. the youngest is the least sensible, most playful, least responsible, least obedient, hardest to control, most rebellious. stop sterotyping!!! i think the youngest is always on the receiving end of everything. when he/she cannot get what he/she wants, he/she would cry, throw his/her temper to get his/her way through. in a siblings argument, no matter the youngest is right or wrong, the parents would usually end the argument by saying, "as the older one, you should give in to your younger siblings". see, the youngest always have what he/she wants easily. could it aid in the development of the youngest not treasuring what he/she has in the future?

oh yeah! i am feeling better now. just a little bit of coughing here and there. i will be good and continue to take my medication or else jac nurse will chase me with a syringe. hahaha... thanks for all your concern. =)

"you hardy treasure it when you gte it easily"